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Tuesday, 19 November 2013

AMS - Love Stories: The danger in promiscuity and deception


One Friday night I went to a club called Coco Doom with my friend Rose. There were bands playing, the whole place was jam-packed, and we casually struck up a conversation with a guy named Paul.

After an hour or so, Rose decided to leave because it was that time of the month. She was tired, she didn't like the music, and, increasingly, Paul and I were focused on each other. As she was leaving, she noticed that he and I had moved closer to each other, and she grinned at me just before she walked out the door.

Paul and I talked more, drank more, and talked more. We were now sitting side-by-side in our booth in the dark lounge. We cuddled, held hands after a few minutes, I broke away and laughed.
"Is there anything I should know before I get head over heels in love with you?" I asked, and he realized that I somehow noticed the ring on his finger.
He held up his hand and showed it to me. Paul whispered "Maybe this?" My smile changed.
"Sorry. Do you want me to leave?"  I thought about it. "No, I'm having a good time hanging out with you."
We got more drinks. He stayed beside me in the booth, but we talked instead of making out. “I kind of want to take you home with me," he said. He stroked my braided hair and kissed me on my forehead again and again.
“How would you expect me to go home with you when you are married? I asked”.
“He said but I'd like to stay with you all night, if you want to, my wife resides in England and I am lonely."
A few minutes later, I was standing outside the club, phone in hand, calling my friend. "Hey,” Rose said sleepily. "Hey, I said sorry to wake you up. I just wanted to let you know that I am coming back to the hostel in the next 45 minute and kindly informed the gatekeeper to open the gate for me."
She asked “Why are you coming so early”, I said, the guy is crazy and she screamed, “Welcome to Fantasy Island the home of infatuation” and I giggled. Rose teases “Aww my darling friend I thought you’ve met your perfect man and we both laughed.
She laughed more and said oh my dear friend run, run, and run for your dear life. Your bed loves you and I love you too. See you soon we both chuckled.  Meanwhile Paul was waiting for me to change my mind and go home with him that night but I disappointed him to say good night”.

The next day, I got a call from Paul, "So, did you get back to your hostel safe last night?" he asked.  "Yeah," I replied, "I spent the whole night chatting with my roommate and giggling, it’s really cool, I said”.   “Oh yeah”  Paul said,


"Do you want me to come over to your hostel or do you need anything from the market” Paul asked. 

I said, “No and thank you for your kindness”.  

Paul said “after you left me at the club, I went home drunk and crashed on my settee."  “Oh what a fool I was driving home drunk” he laughed in a silly way on the phone,

“Yea right” I said.
Paul later said “my wife called around 2:00 am from England and I told her about you”

"She knows," I asked. I was immediately upset.

“Oh my goodness, Paul... How there you? You must be crazy?"

"He said. I wouldn't chat with a lady behind my wife’s back we are soul mate."  I asked "You told her? Seriously?" "Yeah, she's okay with it” he said.

 I paused.

"Paul, that's nonsense. It's just wrong. You don’t even have respect for any woman, I yelled on the phone."

He paused for some time before replying.

Paul later said, “Please hear me out, be gentle with me, we are two mature adult having a conversation. I just want you to know that for me to be unfaithful to Bola (wife) was not okay and for me to lie to her about it was also not okay”.

But situation warrant it, my wife (Bola) and I have an open marriage because she is involved in a marriage of convenience with a Caucasian man, as a means of getting U.K lawful permanent residence in England, with the hope that she is coming back for me.

I asked, “Are you serious”? Hmmm

What I heard was not sweet at all; both couple were leaving a deceptive life; I felt irritated; I believed their marriage is sick; gross and wrong.

Paul said,
“most of the men you saw in that club yesterday were married too, and sleeps around at least as much as I did. But most of them hid it from their wife, so that was okay, or normal."

This story would just be funny if Paul's attitude weren't predictable. 

 What happened next?

Two years ago I met Paul in Paris while visiting a co-worker and I was really surprise to see him on my way to Champs-Élysées. We exchange greetings and I asked him “how is your wife”.

Paul looked at me with a face full of discomfort, regret, and pains; he mumbled "Boo-oo-ola and I are not together any longer."

I asked, what happened?  He said our marriage ended after five years because Bola (Wife) decided to marry the English guy for real and they now have two kids together and he told me all the shebang.

Paul said most of their family and friends concluded that his lack of commitment had been the cause of their marriage breakdown, since few of them were not faithful in their marriage anyway, but all paid lip service.
I said, "Aww, I’m really sorry about your marriage and I understand how sensitive you are but I am sorry to say this to you....I suppose it would be more truthful to say that your marriage breakdown because of deceptions and lack of marriage values".

Well, I said, “such is life” How are you doing now and what are you doing in Paris?

Paul said "I live here now; I pastor one of Pentecostal church at Nogent-Sur-Marne in Paris."

He called my name “Mai’m” and I said “yees”. “My life has changed for good you know and that aspect of my failed marriage is behind me. I have moved on” he said.

Meanwhile, I was tired listening to him, so I said "Paul I've got to go my friends are waiting for me, is nice seeing your face again, I will put you in my prayers and visit your church anytime I’m in Paris. We exchanged contact, asked about Rose my friend and that was is. J 

After catching up with a few friends, I jumped on the train and went back to my hotel in Bercy Village Cour Saint-Emilionone around 10:00 pm. The next day was Sunday, so I had to sleep …….. Catch up a 7:00am train to London, as I was devouring coffee and croissants around 8:00 in the morning, I started reflecting on the whole conversation I had with Paul.

I thought Paul is just pretending to be a man, isn’t it? How could he say his marriage is a thing of the past?
Knowing fully well that going through a divorce entails a lot of stressed – he must grieve, heal, accept and potentially adjust to single life, as well as rediscover a new sense of who he is today.  It is a process that requires time, self-awareness and effort. 
Anyways, if his marriage is a thing of the past, so be it, who am I to judge him. Each person has the right to make choices. “To each his own, gaah, I give up”
I felt relieved and happy that I was not part of his marriage breakdown. It ended for most of the usual reasons.  I say “most” because promiscuity, deception, lies, lack of commitment and lack of the fear of God are most of the obvious subjects that breakdown marriage in this day and age.
In summary, what is love? Or what is true love? Does it really exist? Looking at the rate of break up, divorce and separation out there and how people celebrate divorce these days. I guess love takes many forms, but I also like to think of true love as something when someone truly cares about someone else more than themselves. 
However, from my story Paul and Bola did not support or help each other despite allegiance, their marriage and love life was built on convenience, deception, and they both look at love as a now, an instant result.
From my own opinion, love in reality, it’s an action, something you have to constantly work at. The things you do at the beginning of friendship or dating you have to continue doing them to keep the relationship alive.
Just like how Jesus loves us from the time we were in our mother’s womb and He’s still in love with us. The only true love comes from God, the father of our Lord Jesus Christ have a relationship with him today and you will not regret.
My advice to all the singles reading my story, please make sure you did not put asunder in any marriage.


 Thanks a lot! Glad you've enjoyed the story. Follow my blog as I keep it coming J


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